Waiting

Dear You,

There comes a point in time when I realize that I can only wait around for so long before I have to take things into my own hands. Ultimately I've found that I need to make decisions for ME and not for others. It's not easy putting other people in front of you at all times and taking everyone's feelings and thoughts into consideration. I am the type of person who does that a lot and despite the joy I get from making everyone happy, I honestly can't always do that. And another thing...even if it's something that I really want and I have it somewhat but it's hidden...that's not how I want to live my life. I can't stand to hide things, especially when it has to do with me, and above all, my heart. It just hurts too much to have something in secret and to have to pretend that there's nothing going on in front of the world. I simply can't do something like that to myself and it hurts to realize that I can't live like that because a part of me wants to. I want the love, the comfort, the joy, the sorrows, the memories that come with being with someone special. I WANT all that but I don't want it discreetly. It is one of the things in life that I'm not willing to negotiate. You either have to take charge and do something about it to show you care or there's nothing there for me to hold on to. All it entails is a simple question of "will you go out with me?" and you'll have your yes. I just can't stand not knowing where I stand and not being able to openly show we care about each other in front of everyone. It breaks my heart to feel that way. Although you didn't want to hurt me at all, doing things this way, having to restrict myself from being who I am and having to watch what I do, hurts so much more than I thought. What DO you want? Please make up your mind....

Love,
Denise